if the pack were like police
by Twilightaddict102
Summary: darren and larten come back from the dead and end up in Forks. What hapens when they get caught drinking blood by the wolves. And the wolves have gone police with the cullens trying to catch human blood drinkers? well you read to find out.short but funny
1. Meat eaters and crazy police

_**Disclaimer: As much as id like to own these characters I don't twilight stuff is Stephanie Meyers and Darren Shan belongs to who woulda guessed Darren Shan**_

Darren's P.O.V

So I just landed here in this weird town called Forks. Believe me I have no idea how I got here but I am

definitely not in paradise. The weirdest thing is I can smell Mr. Crepsley. Anyways I'm low on power from

being dead and all so I'm going to go get a drink. Climb, climb, climb I get into the room. I am over the

person and I take a pint of blood. All better. I decide to use the front door. Then I run into something

coming the other way. I see the person and I yell "Mr. Crepsley!"

"Darren what is going on I am dead!" he said, "why am I here?"

"I'm dead to but I don't know why!"

"What!"

"Yep you missed a lot while you were dead!" "So why are you running?"

"Some crazy wolves are trying to capture me!"

"oh but we have captured you!" "muhahahaha!"

"Oh great!" said Crepsley.

"Man!" said Darren.

"You're coming with us!" the wolf said trying to be cop like.

We went walking and I heard the wolf talking on the phone.

"Hello CC this is JAWB do you copy?"

"……………………………....................."

" We got some rogue meat eaters"

"……………………………....................."

"Yes we will be bringing them your way for interrogation"

"……………………………...................."

"Okey dokey, JAWB out" he said then he hung up the phone, "Come on you rascals were taking you downtown!"

Okay is it just me or are these people not the sharpest tools in the shed. Wish I could talk to Crepsley, oh well looks like were here.

**A.N. Just in case anyone was confused the "….." were him listening to the other person speak. An he CC and JAWB are their initials. So CC is Carlisle Cullen and JAWB is Jacob Alpha Wolf Black**


	2. interrogation, oh by the way im a prince

_**Disclaimer: I don not own Darren Shan. And that goes for both of them. I also don't own twilight.**_

Darren's P.O.V

Okay so I'm sitting here and this guy who I'm guessing is CC, is pacing in front of us trying to act all cool.

"Okay humans, you gonna tell us why you tried actin like meat eaters." said Carlisle**(A.N. since the D.S. vampires are so much different than twi vamps Carlisle thinks they are human)**

"Are you saying you aren't?" I accused, even thought it had an obvious answer.

"Yes, I and my family are Vampires." he said accidentally slipping out of the police get-up. "Does that scare you!"

"No, because you are so not vampires." I retorted

"Yes we are!" he said

"not"

"Yes"

"no"

"Yes"

"no"

"yes"

"no"

"YES!"

"NO!""guys can we get back to the topic at hand" interrupted JAWB

"Yes Jacob we can." said Carlisle "Now the wolves and my family are going to have to punish you fro your actions."

Okay now this had gone to far. If they truly were vampires(even though that seemed highly unlikely due to there appearance) than I being vampire prince would be able to put an end to this nonsense. "I am afraid I will not allow you to do that"

"And who are you do order us around pipsqueek" said one of the big ones

"My name is Darren Shan Vampire Prince, and I order you to unleash me and my mentor Larten Crepsley" everyone stood there mouths open in shock.

**A.N. Okay finally got this chapter done. Sorry for the long time it took to update. I came up with the story in my spare time and it is meant to be short and random so I don't spend to much time on it.**


	3. you arnt vampires

_**Disclaimer: I am not a vampire so I obviously cannot be Darren Shan since he is a vampire, which means I cannot own the cirque du freak saga or any of it's characters. I do not own any of the Darren Shan or twilight characters. Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer**_

Edward's P.O.V.

Did that little boy just say what I think he did. I stood there with my mouth open in shock.

"OMG, your highness I am so sorry I had no idea!" said Emmet in an adoring fashion. Rosalie smacked him on the upside of his head. The boy Darren the "Vampire Prince" stood there with a gloating expression on his face.

"You idiot!" shrieked Rosalie "This kid could never be "Vampire Prince" for two reasons." "One he is not a vampire-"

"Am to a-" Darren started then stopped when Rosalie sent him a glare that clearly stated SHUT UP.

"One he is not a vampire" Rosalie started again "and two there is no such thing as a vampire prince"

"You are wrong on both counts actually." piped in the man who until now was all but forgotten, Crepsley I believe he was called. "We are vampires and vampire princes do exist." "In reality it is you who are not vampires"

"excuse me but what do you mean not vampires?" asked Carlisle "I myself am over 300 years old, and I have not aged a bit" By now our cop façade -or rather Carlisle's cop façade as I nor anyone else besides that slobbering idiot of a werewolf Jacob wished to take part in such outrageous shenanigans- had completely fallen leaving dumbfounded and confused vampires -also including one brain-dead werewolf- in it's place.

"Yes well in actuality you are a horrible experiment gone wrong and you are really descended from a certain jellyfish." said Darren, " The venom of that jellyfish was mixed with the blood of a vampire bat in hopes of making a hybrid jellybat, unfortunately it created a human with side effects like an unnatural thirst for blood and multiple other side effects immortality, shiny skin in sun, etcetera , etcetera."

And once again I and my family members had our mouths open in shock.

Darren's P.O.V.

I had just finished telling them their true heritage and they were gaping at me again. Gosh they must be stupid. Why else would they feel burning when they are transformed, cause jelly fish stings hurt. **(Boom ,Boom, Crash) (I know not funny whatever!)**

The only one not shocked was the one named JAWB who seemed to be rolling on the floor trying to contain laughter. Something tells me I have a lot of explaining to do.

**A.N. alright hey sorry, so very sorry for the long time between updates. Four months gosh that's a long time. Well anyways thanks for all the reviews and stuff. I never expected this to be so popular. So, I don't know how far I can go with this and/or where I am going with this but if you want me to keep going then ill do my best. Any ideas appreciated, I will take all into consideration. Now considering I haven't updated in months I don't know how long it will be till I update again, school play is going on so Ill be busy. Review and ill try to update as soon as possible thanks- Twilightaddict102**


	4. many laughs and a breakdown

_**Disclaimer: Darren shan and Mr. Crepsley enter the stage and start talking to a musical rhythm.**_

"_**Yo my name is Crepsley" "And I am darren shan." "twilightaddict102 totally owns us all" Carlisle comes onto the stage, "Actually, you guys are owned by Darren Shan and I myself am owned by the lovely and beautiful Stephanie Meyer-" "Hey Dude stop mind flirting don't you have a wife?" "Well…. Ill say that was unexpected" sais crepsley. "Back to my point we do not belong to twilightaddict102 so you should not be rapping as your owner would nevr allow it" sais carlisle. "Aww…way to ruin our fun!" darren and crepsley walk off the stage with dejected looks on their faces, and carlisle just stands there looking confused.**_

Jacob's P.O.V.

HA!HA!HA!HA! The Cullens! THE SUPER AMAZING VEGETARIAN VAMPIRE CULLENS WERE NOT VAMPIRES! HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! The look on that prissy Edward's face when this darren dude told them was hysterical. it looked like a mix of peeing his pants and slowly being told that hair gel has been destroyed forever. I am rolling on the floor laughing by now of course so I am not able to see the other cullens' faces. I was just standing up to antagonize edward when out of nowhere came…

"EDWARD CULLEN! YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE?" shouts Bella. " HOW DARE YOU TELL ME YOU ARE A VAMPIRE AND THEN TELL ME YOU TURNED ME INTO A VAMPIRE! DO YO FEEL GUILTY THAT YOU ACTUALLY TURNED ME INTO A JELLY FISH FREAK!" Silence fills the room and I am able to see everyone staring with their mouths hanging open in shock. And the n iam on the floor laughing…again. The dude darren looks like he wants to say something but cant seem to get it out for he too is trying to contain his laughter. I stand up again and sake off my tiny spasms of giggles until finnaly I am able to speak calmly…

"HA!HA! HA! YOU"RE NOT VAMPIRES! YOU"RE NOT VAMPIRES! WHOSE THE ONLY REAL MYTHICAL CREATURE IN THE HOUSE? I AM! I AM!" everyone turns their shocked mouths to me as I think they have forgotten I was here while the two real vampires looked towards me with confusion. so I go over to them and whisper in their ear to tell the the big secret.

"Okay you guys, I am going to let you in on a biggggggggg seeeeeeeecret. I. AM. A. WEREWOLF." I wait for it to sink in and for the mto be amazed and as they turn I hear them say…..

"Hello JAWB nice to meet you now as I am assuming your initials stand for something may I ask what your real name is and why you seem to think being a werewolf is such a big secret?" sais the tall man with orange har.

I blush and manage to stutter out "well.. the initials stand for Jacob Alpha Wolf Black, but my name is only Jacob Black."

"And as for why you think being a werewolf is a big secret?" asks Darren.

I stand there trying to think of something to say.

"I got nothin…." I say. Oops did I just say that out loud?

**A.N. Hey guys alright I know it has been a long time but I hsve a compromise I already have the next chapter written and if I can get at least 10 reviews I will post it ASAP, if not then you just have to wait till I feel like it. Once again thanks for reading any and or all reviews are appreciated as wells as any ideas for I still don't really know where I am going with this. Thanks for reading- Twilightaddict102**


	5. edwards insane really i mean it

_Disclaimer: I do not own darren shan or twilight those rights belong to darren shan and stephanie meyer._

**Mr. Crepsley's P.O.V.**

**This werewolf is very strange and imature, it makes me doubt how he was raised I mean where I come from werewolves are all taught proper manners to tone down their canniballistic side. This "Jacob" fellow is nothing like the sort of werewolves I have met, mean he acts like being a werewolf makes him a super hero, so imature.**

"**Exuse me!" I say, " But where are your manners?"**

"**What?" asks Jacob with a dumbfounded expression on his face. Across the room I hear laughing it seems to be coming from one of the jelly bats- the scientific name for their species is way to long- the bronze haired one.**

**Edward's P.O.V.**

**Ohhhhh! That mongrel making fun of me I mean this is ridiculous he is the stupidist person on the planet and I totally woudnt go crazy if the world ran out of hair gel- wait a second world ran out of hair gel- "!" everybody turns to stare at me. "Oops did I say that out loud?""Hey that's my line!" yells Jacob**

"**Yeah well who cares im better than you!" I am about to attack jacob when someone says.**

"**Exuse me! But where are your manners?" This makes me laugh so hard I am pissing my pants- again- the dude starts staring at me .**

"**JACOB BLACK! MANNERS! THOSE WORDS DON'T EVEN BELONG IN THE SAME SENTENCE!" I yell at the top of my lungs in between burst of laughter.**

"**Well you obviously don't have manners either because well mannered people don't make fun of others." said the man crepsley.**

"**Are you telling me you don't make fun of people!" shouts Emmet. that idiot shouldn't he learn not to antagonate people.**

"**Well no I do but I can because I am a vampire and I am above the rules of manners." he sais matter of fact like. OOOOOOOOOOO! He makes me so mad! I mean he is so not a Vampire.**

"**I AM A VAMPIRE! I AM ABOVE THE RULES! YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE! YOU ARE NOT ABOVE THE RULES!" I shouted without thinking, but I mean really who does he think he is insulting ME! EDWARD CULLEN! SUPER AWESOME GUY WITH AWESOME HAIR GEL IN MY AWESOME HAIR THAT SHINES AND MAKES BELLA WANT TO KISS ME!**

"**DUDE!I ALREADY FRICKIN TOLD YOU YOU ARE A JELLY BAT! GOT IT A J-E-L-L-Y-B-A-T! YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE!" yells Darren the "Vampire Prince"**

"**I still don't believe you" I say.**

"**EDWARD THAT IS FRICKIN IT I AM TIRED OF YOU LYING YOU SAID YOU WOULD TURN ME INTO A VAMPIRE BUT YOU DIDN'T YOU TURNED ME INTO A FRICKIN JELLY BAT! AND NOW YOU ARE TRYING TO LIE ABOUT IT TO PROTECT YOUR PRECIOUS PRISSY A*$. THAT IS IT WE ARE DONE! BESIDES YOUR TOTALLY AWESOME HAIR GEL HAIR THAT MAKES ME WANT TO KISS YOU SO DOES NOT WORK ANY MORE BECAUSE HAIR GEL DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE!" yells Bella as she storms out the door.**

**OH NO! OH NO! SHE DID NOT JUST DO THAT!- wait a second no hair gel- "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, my hair gel!"**

"**Shut up you prissy face" yells Alice.**

"**Yeah you are annoying" agrees jasper.**

"**THAT IS IT YOU NOT ONLY TURNED MY FAMILY AGAINST ME BUT YOU TOOK AWAY MY WONDERFUL BELLA! I!WILL!KILL!YOU!" and with that I charge at darren ready to kill.**

**A.N. awesome a super long chapter all done. well thankyou to those who reviewed and to one person who reviewed 9 times, good job person your reviews make laugh- in a good way- and I thank you. all right I think this story is almost done cause I am running out of ideas but….. and don't get your hopes up to high for this but… I may right a short one-shot of a sequel involving the volturi fingding out about their "problem". anyways keep reading and reviewing thanks for reading- Twilightaddict102**


	6. The letter to end it all

**A.N. Okay guys this is the last chapter its been a great time writing this story even if took almost a year to do so. Hope You like it. And here we Go!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the twilight characters or the Darren Shan characters they belong to Stephanie Meyer and Darren Shan**_

_Dear Volturi,_

_My family and I have recently had a very strange encounter. You see it has come to our attention that we are not actually vampires. We are actually a species created in a science experiment called __**(roughly translates to- always above wet chicken fish)**__. Now I know you may be shocked by this revelation but believe me we have this from a very credible source. His name is Darren Shan a vampire prince. That's right he is real royalty and you are not. Now you may be wondering how this all happened and I will tell it to you now…..(he basically explains all that happened in the story.) And that's what happened. Well hope to see you soon._

_Your Friend,_

_Carlisle_

_P.S. the jelly fish included in this letter is actually Edward. You see cause after he attacked and was beaten he reverted back to his primitive form. I thought you like him as a pet._

Aro and Caius were just sitting there shocked. All of a sudden they heard laughing and turned to see Marcus laughing while petting a struggling Edward the Jellyfish.

Edward's P.O.V.

STOP PETTING ME! I am not a toy. Wait a second that kind of feels good. I could get used to this. Wait a second is that a dres-

No one's P.O.V.

Marcus decided that it would be fun to have Edward as a pet. He dressed him up in a pink dress and decided to name him Foo-Foo. And so Marcus and Edward the Jellyfish-recently renamed Foo-Foo- lived happily ever after.

_**The End**_

**A.N. alright this is my final goodbye for this story. Thanks to all of you readers and reviewers. Check my page for my new story Taitou Namigakure. It is a naruto story about when he is banished from the village. See ya later Twilightaddict102**


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